oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
