Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
