i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize