Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
