I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
