we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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