This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
