Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
