i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
