proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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