did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
