Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
