i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
