just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
