its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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