i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
