I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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