and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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