We're facebook friends in real life
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
