I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
