I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
