seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
