You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
