Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
