You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
