the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
