i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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