Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
