the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
