wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
