i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
