I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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