turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
