im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
