My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
