my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
