If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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