Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
