First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
