Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
