next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
