I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
