At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i think i just lost a toe
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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