no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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