wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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