My cat gives me a boner
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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