I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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