I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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