just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
