Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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