Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
