Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
