'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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