you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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