she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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