I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
