she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
