The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
