cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
