I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
