She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
