Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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